True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
