i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
