can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Randomize
