Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
