can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize