How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
