I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Why are your pants in the freezer?
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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