i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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