dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
