so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Who died my cat blue again?
Randomize
