i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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