Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
