Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
