how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
stop calling my apartment porn island.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
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