just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
