She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
