Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
