i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
