Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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