You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
