now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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