party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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