Swine flu. Run for my life!
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
