never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
