I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize