we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
