Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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