none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
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