"it" just moved
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
