I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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