Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
