So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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