the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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