she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
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