just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
