i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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