How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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