New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
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