I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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