69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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