so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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