They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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