so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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