How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
