I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
