i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
