I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
you didnt know i had herpes?
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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