GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
