i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
