what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
he shaved USA in his pubs
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
