I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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