Sry I called you an 8
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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