my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
