this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Girls should come with a carfax report
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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