I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
farters have to be the big spoon...
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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