Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Fuck me I smell like cheese
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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