It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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