Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
