very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
