By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
