You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
