a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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