One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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