He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
home. puking in laundry basket.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize