So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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