It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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