if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Will exercising make me less horny?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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