those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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