someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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