My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
