oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize