This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
