Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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