are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize