so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
two words...techno handjob
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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