I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
