Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
