i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
